lauren hutton and chewing gum in my dreams
I am a very restless sleeper. Let me clarify a bit. I typically do not have trouble falling asleep or waking up but I have a pretty difficult time staying asleep. And when I do sleep, I have been known to kick about, carrying on conversations and dream rather vividly. It’s not fun. The times when I’ve fallen asleep and wake up in the same position around 8 hours later are few and far between (and often involved incredible exhaustion or some kind of cold medicine).
Anyway, the vivid dreams part is what has been going on for the past week. Each night, and morning, has been a series of diverse and wild dreams. During one the other night I had something occur which has happened in the past and aways irritates me both in and out of my dream world. In the middle of whatever event or conversation or action happening in my dream, I am suddenly chewing gum that I cannot seem to get rid of no matter how hard I try. Now clearly it doesn’t take a doctorate in psychology to get that this means I am inhibited from speaking a truth or feeling somehow stifled in my waking life.
I guess that’s true, currently it’s more about feeling unable to articulate myself. And I guess I’m not getting the message so my brain has called in the B-team. So thank you subconscious, yes I AM unsure of what to say or how to address the evolutions in my life. I have a play that feels stifled (by me) and many events, tasks and conversations that simply don’t fit into the hours I have in a day. Yes, I know I have the same amount of hours as everyone else but I challenge someone to try to get all this stuff done faster and with more affection that I. Seriously, it’s an open invitation.
The hardest thing to deal with is just that- I am the creator of my dream time gum chewing. And it’s exhausting. I wake up worn out. It’s also rather irritating that I don’t have anyone else to blame. Wouldn’t that be nice?
In this moments of self pity and personally directed frustration I long to be someone with peaceful sleep, who says “I never remember my dreams” with a playful giggle and clear eyes. Nope, not me. I am often pregnant (it means an idea is brewing, believe me I looked that one up right away!) or deep into a mystery or on some other kind of risky adventure during the overnight hours. Isn’t there a way to put in a dream request for a paradise island vacation instead of some epic mission?!
But the two generations of women before me (mother and material gandmother specifically) have always said that we are adventurers. That we are meant to have lives of spirited travel and great quests. After all, I wasn’t born in an easy fashion, I don’t tend to have ordinary experiences and I have curly hair. Definitely a sign. Not a smooth path or a lake with no ripples in my future (or smooth ponytails with no frizz).
So I guess I need to teach the dream me to extract her gum and soldier on. After all, I was flipping around on the TV and caught some chunk of a show (not sure what it was) where Lauren Hutton was giving advice to a group of women. She said that the trick to success, to achieving your dreams (no double meaning intended) was simply to work 4 times harder than anyone else. For me, I guess that’s waking and at “rest.” I have to believe it’s all worth it. That crazy stories and unbelieveable whismy is my destiny. That it couldn’t be any other way. But maybe I should have some Nyquil on hand just in case I need some downtime.
Wishing you sweet dreams, of every kind,