insomnia and advice from cinderella
I go through these phases (maybe not the right word but I’m sleepy so let’s go with it) where I have raging boughts of insomnia (hence the earlier referenced sleepiness). I’m not sure if I can officially call it insomnia because it’s more of a difficulty in staying asleep than in falling asleep. I have never really had much trouble falling asleep. But when my mind is particularly active or when there’s a seasonally change (from AC to open windows) or when it’s a Tuesday (just kidding), I find that if I wake up during the night it is really damn hard for me to regain my REM state. And not being the world’s most patient person, you can imagine that my tolerance for this action gets smaller and smaller (or is it lower and lower? not sure how that phrasing works).
I try to tell myself that this only happens when I have great stuff brewing and I can’t seem to turn off my brain at night. It’s when I’m working on something amazing or doing some writing or some other variation on creative activity. And if I can tell myself to just wait, to simply remain in bed and try to be calm, often I do drift off to sleep again. But most of the time I get all fired up about being awake and end up out in the living room with two pillows and a confused kitty who doesn’t understand why I’m up when it’s not light yet.
And adding to the mix is the fact that when I am in my insomnia-prone condition, I tend to have super vibrant dreams. Usually related to whatever creative matter is at hand. They are often wild and fantastical or so real that it seriously takes me a bit of time once I wake up to register the dream vs. reality variables. This occured last night, lovely and purposeful dreams in direct correlation to a brewing event with all details and circumstances going the way I want them to actualize.
It made me think of that song in Cinderella- A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes. I love that song, and yes a big part of that is all the animals (especially Gus Gus, he rocks), but also because I often foolishly believe that my wishes and hopes may influence an outcome.
“A dream is a wish your heart makes
When you’re fast asleep
In dreams you lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for, you keep
Have faith in your dreams and someday
Your rainbow will come smiling thru
No matter how your heart is grieving
If you keep on believing
the dream that you wish will come true”
You’re laughing at me, right? That’s okay. I get it and you are probably right. My neural activity is most likely NOT the reason things roll out the way they do. But I ask you- does it hurt to hope? To dream? Okay, that might have been a bit over the top but blame it on the fairytales. Or on Jim & Donna who taught me that I can do anything… because I will gladly embrace my fantasy-laden and sleep-deprived state if it means that I get a victory dance at the end of it all.
And because the world brings with it constant reminders, I cannot think of my ability to dream without knowing how fortunate I am to do so. How lucky I am to be able to dream. Because in many parts of the world that is not an option. We watched the movie Invictus recently so Nelson Mandela is also on my mind (not that he’s ever that far from it when I think of hope or the true power of personal conviction). He’s said many great things but a very simple quote sticks with me today (and helps me feel less cuckoo pants):
“When the water starts boiling it is foolish to turn off the heat.”
I guess I’m simply boiling some water right now and I’d better leave it alone. I wish you peaceful sleep but if you do toss and turn at night, I hope it’s for some delicious reason. Oh, and if you have some extra good wishes to spare please throw some my way! Fingers crossed.
Until next Thursday,