bring on the rain & 12 hour days

This weekend (well Friday-Sunday) is going to be a first for me. In many ways. I am shooting a feature film called Fields of November with a director I’ve worked with in the past (one of the projects mentioned last week) and 1) I’m on camera 95% of the time or maybe even more if stuff ends up being a two-shot 2) it’s being shot on the RED camera (two actually) which I’ve been itching to work on and 3) it is all improvised. Now don’t get scared, there is a plot and a story structure and various dialogue sketches BUT it is mostly going to be us actors letting it rip on camera. I am both blissfully excited and a little bit nervous.

The most surprising thing is that I am not MORE nervous, or slightly terrified, by this proposition. I’m not. I am relaxed and jazzed up about it. Even though it’s going to rain like nobody’s business for the majority of the next three days. I feel that this is a watershed event (ooops, no pun intended). Both in the project design/potential and also for me as an artist. I trust the director, I place value in the professional cast and crew around me and most importantly I trust myself. As I’ve been given information about the story and the character, all these ideas have swirled around in my head. I know who she is and I feel safe playing her. I think about projects like Before Sunrise and Before Sunset or Mike Leigh’s work. Now while I know much is carefully crafted and delicately shaped, the work is fierce and honest and vital in its raw, improv-like form.

Mostly though, I simply feel this calm. A sense of rest before a big adventure, one that I cannot possible prepare for in any way. As much as I can get my costume additions together or buy some snacks (I’m tough on craft services because I have celiac disease) or go to bed earlier than usual the night before, I cannot really “get ready for the shoot.” It’s going to be what it’s going to be. I can only show up. I wish I could talk myself into viewing my life like this in other ways.

But I’ll take it where I can get it. It’s nice to not have the choice but to go with the flow. Because there is nothing else possible. And I idealistically and optimistically anticipate magic. Why not? What do I have to lose by hoping that it is absolutely inspired? And in any case, when I was talking to the lead male actor I said “when else do you get a chance to sit on a set with an amazing camera package and a brilliant crew and just go for it?!” It’s a gift, one that I plan on embracing fully. I’ll let you know how it goes next week. Cross your fingers and send some creative thoughts my way.

Always,

L

Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes all the difference.

– Virginia Satir

THINGS IM DIGGING THIS WEEK: the Oscar commercial for Modern Family (but really just the “pointing finger” part, it cracks me up) & Marie Forleo’s blog post How to Get Anything You Want (yes please)

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TWO CHARACTERS I LOVE: Clementine from Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Tinkerbell from Peter Pan

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